A Bad Seed

It's been a long time . . . again. I'm struggling. More and more friends, acquaintances, total strangers have begun to blog since I tapped my first word more than a year ago and they all seem to be so . . . GOOD. I don't mean the blogs are good (they are,) I mean the people are good. They write about doing good, good things happening, just plain goodness.

I seem to write about bad things. Not doing bad things (though sometimes I have to admit I can get a little cheeky,) but complaining and whining and drinking and not being the most attentive mother or wife or daughter. Wait, I am doing bad things. I feel like a bad seed.

I need to take a long, hard look at myself in the mirror -- not the magnifying mirror. Then I might take note that I need a brow waxing. I know, I know. Vanity is one of my many flaws. But then again, I think vanity is about concealment. Who hasn't worn jeans so no one would see their unshaven legs? Or raced to the salon to color their roots so no one will know they are going gray? Or worn Spanx?! I guess my vanity about my physical appearance balances out the frankness of my narratives. No hiding behind some of those words.

I'm not the kind of person who needs much validation from others to know my worth. Don't talk to my mother or my husband, they are the exceptions. I am nice, I am confident, I am virtuous (somewhat.) There, I'm back.

Banging away on my little keyboard helps me think things through, helps me release some pent up frustration (I can't carry it too long) and allows me to share crazy happenings in my life. I like what I write about. Sometimes it's not the most entertaining but I hope people get something out of it.

Let me circle back . . . I'm still struggling. I've read some great, inspiring blogs about goodness, Godness. That's just not me -- not the goodness or Godness part but the part about inspiring others. I think I'll stick to what I know.